The Guilt

The Guilt

One of the hardest parts of being a parent of a child with special needs is the guilt that you are not doing enough to help your child.

If you are doing a dairy-free diet, there is always someone doing a dairy free, casein-free diet. If you are doing 3 days of physical therapy a week, the lady next to you is doing 5 days a week, and 6 hours at home. There is always someone who knows way more than you about diet, and supplements, equipment or funding.

There is always, always the feeling that there is more to know than any human can possibly learn. And that if you were just doing it right, your child would be better off.

At least that’s the way I feel, and I think I do a lot.

One of my fears about writing this blog is that I will somehow add to that feeling for some person. That they will read something and feel guilty for not acting on it right away, or that they didn’t already know it. That is not my intention.

I just learned to meditate, and in my class, my teacher explained that in the Vedic tradition of meditation, the mantra we say is meant to be like a seed. A Bija. It is not meant to take over your thoughts, but to gently rest in the back of your mind.

That is what I would like this blog to be for people. A seed. I would like for people to read it, and maybe act on it, or maybe 5 years from now, when they are ready, they remember something I mentioned and act on it. This blog is here forever, as far as I know, and is meant to be a resource.

If a year from now something I said resonates with you, you can come back and read it again.